News

Want more confidence and better boundaries?

30 May 2013

At the expos and trade shows we attend, one thing people confide in us over and over again is the feeling of being unable to cope with the behaviour and energy of other people. Whether it’s healers who are carrying the energy and wounds of their clients, or parents who are affected by the words and actions of their kids, it seems that many people are struggling to separate themselves from those around them.

Detachment can be particularly difficult for parents – not just those whose young kids are very dependent on them, but also for the parents of older kids whose behaviour or attitudes aren’t in line with what their mum or dad would like.

Several of the parents we’ve spoken to recently have had the sense that they need to detach, but are conflicted by the fear that doing so would equate to abandoning their child. Instead they hold on to their relationship with them even more tightly, knowing all the while that it is depleting their energy and wellbeing and isn’t having the desired effect of inspiring their child to change their attitude in any case.

In reality though, attachment and over-investment make the links between parent and child contorted, and entangles the loving energy that you want to share with your kids with issues of approval and judgement.

If you find yourself saying things like ‘I’d be happy if s/he would just…’ or, ‘If only s/he wasn’t so…’ then it might be wise to take a step back and ask whether you’ve given someone else the power of being responsible for your wellbeing.

When you’re solid in yourself, with strong boundaries, and deep-seated confidence and self-approval, the behaviour of others doesn’t have the same impact on you.

Similarly, healers who have strong boundaries are less susceptible to taking on their clients’ energy or to being drained by the important and valuable work they do.

When we’re chatting to people affected by these or similar situations, the flower essence we always recommend is Up, Up & Away, which reminds you of the importance of loving and approving of yourself unconditionally.

Far from being a selfish act, prioritising self love and self care is a gift not just to yourself but to everyone around you: it empowers you to love wholeheartedly, without expectations and agendas getting in the way, while also helping you feel comfortable with setting boundaries that are healthy for you.

As the story that accompanies this flower essence says, instead of getting battered and bruised by the energy and attitudes of others, it’s as though you simply pulled a balloon out of your pocket and let it lift you Up, Up & Away, out of harm’s way!